Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Opinions please

I've started writing a story and want people's opinions on it so i know what to improve on, please comment with constructive criticism and things you liked.
Enjoy!!!!
Bethan
xx

Out of the Skies
All his life, Peridot had been told to stay in cloud cover. His father and grandfather had been told the same thing so had all the other Angels. They were told this because of the Hunters down below. Peridot, Aura and Obsidian had only ever dreamt of what a hunter looked like, Angels never saw Hunters and survived to tell the tale. Both Peridot and obsidian’s fathers were part of the fallen; those that were shot down out of the skies to the ground below. They had been blown out of cloud cover by the wind into the open where the Hunters could get to them. There was never a time in the Angel’s history where there were no Hunters or Fallen.
Aura’s parents were part of the Angel Royal family, King Mercury and Queen Tianna. Peridot and Obsidians families were the Royal’s closest friends. Peridot and Aura were together although neither of their parents agreed to the match. They had planned their whole life together even though they were only sixteen. Obsidian was their only and closest friend and had been since Element school, where they learn how to fly, heal and fight. The three of them went everywhere together.
The Angels were a dying race, more and more Angels were being shot down and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Once they were fallen there was no way back as the Hunters were everywhere and made sure that the Angels couldn’t contact anyone above. There were schools and hospitals being closed everyday due to the depleting number of Angels, less Angels were going out during the days and cracks were starting to show in their whole infrastructure. And although all this was happening the Angels were still educating their young, hoping to bring a brighter future for them and the next generations
One day they were flying towards their school on the other side of the valley, when the clouds suddenly dispersed. Before they could stop, they were in open sky.
Bang!
Bang!
Bang!
Three Angels fell from the sky, spiralling down towards the ground.